Do you ever feel exceedingly blessed? I have. I feel blessed by the relationships I have, both great and small. One relationship stands out, though, as having enriched my life. I am talking of course about my daughter, Mika.
Last night, Maita and I watched the tail-end of “American Idol” on Q before going to sleep. As usual, Mika wanted a bedtime story and she kept asking about how she was when she was very little. So I told her again how I would talk and play music to her while she was still in Maita’s womb. I told her about the time I talked to her (stilll in the womb) that I wanted her to come out and play.
I told her that on the day she was born, I kept praying for hers and Maita’s safety, that they would both be OK in the delivery room. I told her how she was still slightly covered in blood when the doctor first showed her to me and how her lola remarked on how fair-skinned she was.
I told her how we thought of all sorts of names like Lucy and Dana before we settled on Mika.
I told her that on the third day out of the hospital, I woke up to find her shivering from cold because we had kept the airconditioning on all night and I had to rub her entire body until she was warm again. (In my mind, I imagined the thought forming in her head was “Goodbye, cool world!”)
I told her of the time that she kept crying and wouldn’t stop for an hour until we put manzanilla on her tummy and she farted until the whole room reeked.
I told her that she loved to giggle especially when I kissed her ears. All of this before she was even two.
And I also told her about the time when we went home from Laguna after that first week from the hospital and everyone was doting on her while I tried to ask people not to crowd her too much. I didn’t tell her though that I went to the other room, opened my mouth and shouted soundlessly, tears flowing down my face until I was alright.
Maybe when she is older I will tell her of despair. I will tell her how in some people, it opens up a well of overprotectiveness of the few, dear relationships that they have in the world.
Tonight, I am reminded how desperately I loved my daughter.
